Laments and Fairy Tales

Sooooo, There’s this guy! Ugh! Why??? I finally get over my imaginary perfect man in one physical form only to create him in the next. There are soo many beautiful people on this planet… so why do I get caught up in the beauty of just one at a time? I have so many beautiful friends, so many beautiful opportunities, and so many goals. I don’t really have time for another relationship investment. My soul is searching for “the man.” Biologically I am programmed to search for that, and mentally I have been programmed to believe there is one guy out there that will fall into a perfect comfy relationship with me. I don’t know about relationships anymore! Is it my desire to attach myself to someone and my discomfort with letting go that keeps me wanting to hang on to one particular guy? Or is it just a desire to develop a deeper connection with another human being. Is it society and our culture that has led me to believe that one man and one woman stay together without seeing other people or is that the natural order of things? Am I really one woman out of billions that is everything for the one man who will be everything to me? I mean… what are the odds? All I know is that at my age, dating has become very confusing. Love is a beautiful thing and It seems to take precedence over everything else in my life… Like now. My paragraph on love in this entry it longer than the rest.

MUSIC- is where I want to focus. Vibration mmmmm sweet vibration. It helps to ease my soul and makes everything beautiful and I just want to make rhythms and melodies and sing sweet tunes with as many people here this summer as I possibly can! I even wrote a sweet song last night. Can’t wait to get some instruments jammin with it. Oh yeeeah! Set my spirit freeeee.

Dancing- Seriously considering extending my education for ONE 
MORE YEAR if I can stand it. I’m thinking about switching to the performance and choreography track at TX State. I am a performer so WHY NOT??? I still want to teach and share but right now performing is where it’s at! I want to make a video log of my dance progress and work harder on solo choreographs.

School- Time to hunker down and get those essays done. Like… NOW! So until next time. Ciao!

Apr 21

Wow so much going on… so much has happened this year already and it’s only April! Started it off Depressed and in bed most of the time after a bad break-up. It took me a minute to get over. Then suddenly my dance world blew up. I danced with Holding Space at Head For the Hills Fest, Danced with Vana Mazi and Gypsy Eyes at Sherwood, Did some modern dance at TX State in the BFA production, Taught and danced on top of a flame throwing bus at flowstorm, Danced my first burlesque performance, totally improv, at Totter’s CD release party, and am gearing up for the first ever Triple 6 burlesque show, where I’ll be singing with a live band for the first time in my life. I’ve connected with so many people and my life is really turning into something beautiful. I have a hard time allowing all the inspiration to flow, I tend to eat it up and then feel like i’m gonna burst. Another significant thing happened just a couple months ago. I fell in love… I think. I know whatever it was happened to teach me a valuable lesson in Friendship, self value, trust, independence, and relationships. I feel like I finally got that out of my system too. Took me a while to stop dreaming about this guy who seemed perfect in every way, except for the part that wasn’t interested in me. No more boys. No more dating in general… just connecting with humans. Filtering out all my insecurities through these beautiful connections. I’m learning to love the person I am and all my weirdness, though the anxiety is still there sometimes.  I feel blessed that I have so many opportunities to be creative, and now others are recognizing that creativity in me as well and I can’t believe this life is possible. From day one I was told that pursuing my dreams- Being a dreamer- Would never get me anywhere. That I wouldn’t be “successful” that it would be too hard. That it’s about “who you know”. The truth is the folks who told me that are the people who feared their own dreams or were shut down and didn’t believe anymore. I believed them whole-heartedly but I couldn’t ever bring myself to do anything but what my heart told me to. I read a journal entry I made at one of the darkest times of my life. I think I was about 17 or 18, struggling with depression. I found a short statement that I had written- “I have come to accept that there are some things in this life that i’ll never be able to do. So i’m once again a ballerina in my bedroom. What’s wrong with that?” This poor,sad,lamenting me was dying to dance. Then just a few months later I found belly dance and my whole world changed. Today I am sharing inspiration with others and it feels so good. I am constantly inspired by the people I get to work with, artists, producers, musicians, technicians, and dancers alike. I am so lucky. I thank the universe for allowing me to find this path of purpose, of direction, and love and happiness. I only hope that some day I can give back all that has been given to me. My family has been so supportive too. My sister, and her beautiful family. Her baby, her husband, I cherish them and miss them. She’ll be back soon and I’ll get to babysit and hopefully repay her for all the times she’s truly been there for me. I can’t wait until this summer. I can’t wait to practice, practice, practice. I feel like the destiny I always dreamt of is waiting for me to be ready for it’s call<3

Apr 16
Recent Lesson
Jun 13

Recent Lesson

(Source: spunkyone)

WOW.
Apr 5

WOW.

(Source: yoganywhere)

I could live here&lt;3
Apr 5

I could live here<3

(Source: waywardlove)

&lt;3
Jan 25

<3

(Source: weheartit.com, via )

vintagegal:

Myrna Loy in Bride of the Regiment (1930)

Making a head piece like this in the near future!
Jan 25

vintagegal:

Myrna Loy in Bride of the Regiment (1930)

Making a head piece like this in the near future!

"Well it’s incredible and it’s scary and it’s like life. You know, because you’re always in front of people in life and you can either get really nervous and really scared and hold yourself back or you can just give the world what you are."

- Joyce DiDonato (when asked what it is like being on stage.)

(Source: some-call-her-strange, via meanwhileikeepdancing)

Jan 24

From My Friend Alex<3

May these words find you where you need them. 

“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Dec 28
ikenis:

Poi (by Adam ☆ Rowney)

Dance with the sun, for the sun&lt;3
Dec 28

ikenis:

Poi (by Adam ☆ Rowney)

Dance with the sun, for the sun<3

(via ikenis-deactivated20130212)